Why God would harden a heart

There is one aspect of Moses’ life story that has always bothered me. It always made me extremely uncomfortable that in some verses it says “God hardened Pharaoh’s heart.” I just could not logically explain why the God of heaven, this loving God who forgives and reaches out to nations would specifically harden a man’s heart. It causes Pharaoh to sin and costs lives. What purpose could this serve?

Well, I think God let me in on the secret today.

As I sat down to read, I was drawn back to this question and here is an excerpt of my personal journal. God opened my eyes: “I have always wondered why God would harden Pharaoh’s heart. The idea just occurred to me that maybe it was to prove to as many people as possible (advisors, etc.) that Moses’ God was the only REAL, true God.”

Through the 2 1/2 chapters I covered today, the Holy Spirit revealed the truth of this insight to me.

It’s important to remember that the plagues started off as, basically, annoyances. Yes, the waters were turned to blood, but people were able to dig near the waters to get clean water (Exodus 7:24). It was just inconvenient. Then there were frogs, then gnats, then flies. The plagues slowly increased in severity.

1.) Time and again, the magicians of Egypt were able to mimic the works of God which led to Moses’ claims being dismissed. BUT God uses the progressively more complex plagues to turn the magicians first.
         “¹⁸ But when the magicians tried to produce gnats by their secret arts, they could not. And the gnats were on men and animals. ¹⁹ The magicians said to Pharaoh, “This is the finger of God.” But Pharaoh’s heart was hard and he would not listen, just as the LORD had said.” –Exodus 8:18-19

It took 3 plagues, but they got it.

2.) Then God shows that the God of Moses and the Israelites is in control of it all by excluding the Israelites from the plague of the flies.

I’m sure that this was done to show the people of Egypt that something special was going on.

Then I reached Exodus 9:16. I don’t know why I’ve never paid any attention to this before, but I wish I had because it answers my question completely.
           “¹⁶ But I have spared you for this very purpose, that I might show you my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.”

And, God’s effort produce results. Some of Pharaoh’s officials believe as well.
            “¹⁹ Give an order now to bring your livestock and everything you have in the field to a place of shelter, because the hail will fall on every man and animal that has not been brought in and is still out in the field, and they will die.’ “ ²⁰ Those officials of Pharaoh who feared the word of the LORD hurried to bring their slaves and their livestock inside.”–Exodus 9:19-20

So, maybe, when we completely do NOT understand the plan that God is working out in our lives, maybe God is just trying to be the God we all envision Him as. Maybe he is being loving; maybe He is reaching out. Maybe His hand will be MORE evident when there is oppression or strife.

If that’s the case, and even more can be saved, who am I to complain?

Until we are asked to act…

Even the most diligent of Bible readers can struggle occasionally with the Old Testament. Some of the accounts are simply long lists of laws dealing with temple ritual we no longer observe; some are long lists of genealogy. Interspersed between these two types of writings are personal accounts of men and women who played an important role in the furtherance of God’s will through His people. The unfortunate thing is that these personal accounts are so familiar, even to the most unchurched, that when a person actually sits down to read the story, it can be…well, boring.

It is tempting to just skim the story, recognize the familiar points and move on, but you can miss some really cool things that way. (For instance, prior to Noah’s escapade in the ark, people were vegetarians. It was only after the flood that they were given the animals as food as well.  Genesis 9:3. Who knew, right?)

However, there are times when the Holy Spirit offers us an insight into the story that is spiritually significant and often overlooked. I found 2 such insights in Moses’ story. I would like to share one with you now.

If you are unfamiliar with Moses’ account, please check out the link to the right. There is a page named ‘Moses’ that will give you a helpful frame of reference.

In Exodus 3 verse 6, Moses learns that the burning bush he has happened upon, in fact, contains the Spirit of God. Moses has a pretty natural reaction: He hides his face. He is afraid to look at God. I would have to say that I would be too. But the interesting thing about Moses is that by verse 11 of the same chapter, he has mustered up enough courage to argue with God.

That’s right. Moses sees God, knows it’s God, recognizes the might of God to the point of hiding his face and then ARGUES with God. What changed so drastically in those 5 verses? Where did this boldness spring from?

Well, that’s what struck me as new this time around. It was still just Moses and God in the desert, so the environment hadn’t changed. No miracles had been performed yet; no storm had come. The only thing that changed was that God actually asked Moses to DO something.

Yep. Moses’ sudden boldness, courage and defense comes when he is asked to go lead the Israelites out of Egypt. God promises to go with Moses, and doesn’t even ask Moses to approach the Pharaoh alone–he is instructed to take the elders with him– but he still argues (3:12 & 13). Better yet, God shows Moses 2 proofs and Moses STILL argues. (4:1-9)

This is interesting to me, and I immediately began to think of myself, my reaction to God when He asks me to do something. I either pretend I didn’t hear; pretend I will get around to it eventually…or I argue with God.

“Not me God. Surely there are more qualified people out there. Surely, you want someone with a spotless record and more skills…”

This type of avoidance is my specialty, and apparently it was Moses’ as well.

Well, Moses does go. He leads the Israelites out (through an intermediary) and he travels with God for 40 years, but Moses never really loses that spirit of stubborn resistance. Despite visual, daily reminders of their living God, the Israelites and Moses all fail time and again. Moses is never granted entry into the promised land because of his disobedience…and I think that is the lesson in it all.

I don’t want to lose the promised land because I’m a stubborn girl who argues with God. Not only does it sound crazy, it is ultimately futile. He is God after all.

How to be a Christian–Romans 12

Last Sunday, I heard a practical piece of advice that I would like to pass onto you: “If you want to know how to ‘live like a Christian,’ memorize Romans 12.” I’m not very good at memorizing anything. I can retain a lot of information in song form, but otherwise, I only hold it temporarily. This, however, is kind of what I have been looking for.

The task of being a Christian can seem daunting. Once people know you are a Christian, they begin to scrutinize every move you make—and rightly so, you are claiming to be an ambassador of God. It’s a big deal, and one I fail at marvelously.

So, I read the passage. And, being the person I am, I went to work to first really break it down and understand it before I endeavored to memorize it. That is what I would like to share with you now. I went through and found all the words that I could explain—kind of—but couldn’t truly DEFINE in the context, and I defined them. First is the traditional NKJ version with the words highlighted that I looked up. What follows will be “my version” with the words replaced and some brief commentary.

Romans 12:9-13 (New King James Version)

⁹ Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. ¹⁰ Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; ¹¹ not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; ¹² rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; ¹³ distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality.

“My” version (I also changed some punctuation for clarity)

Let love be without pretense, or do not profess to love if it is not sincere. Regard what is evil as repugnant. Hold together what is good, hold onto it tenaciously. Be kindly affectionate to one another (the way you would expect brothers to be) in honor, choosing to give advantages to others above yourself. Do not delay in showing persistent, personal affection. Exhibit great intensity of feeling in spirit, serving the Lord. [Be always] rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing to be firmly fixed, immovable in prayer; distributing to the needs of the saints; given to generous and cordial reception of guests offering a pleasant or sustaining environment.

I will not comment on every definition but there were a few things I noticed, that I believe are worth sharing.

1. We are not asked to just hate what is evil. That is simple. We are asked to regard what is evil as repugnant or distasteful, objectionable, and offensive. In American society today, to hate what God considers evil is very often considered bigotry, closed-mindedness and even dangerous.

Where does that leave the people of God?

2. I also noticed that the word “cling” in the original is an active word. It is something WE DO, not something that happens. We are asked to hold together that which is good. It takes effort. Good has to be protected and worked at.

3. Note briefly that it does not say be kind to each other as brothers ARE, but rather, how you expect them to be. We all know brothers who are not kindly nor affectionate to one another. But that really isn’t the point.

4. Preference, like clinging, becomes an action. It is a choice to give others advantages above ourselves.

5. Lastly, I love that the verse says we are to rejoice in HOPE. God is really great at challenging us to do the one thing that does not come naturally. We naturally rejoice in fulfilled prayers. We naturally rejoice when trials are over. Here, however, we are instructed to rejoice in HOPE. In just the thought that things will get better, in the promises of God and not necessarily the FULFILLMENT of those promises.

There’s really nothing more I can say. God is good, and He really has given us a guide to know how to live and where to stand, and what to do. Sometimes, we just need to know where to look.

Revelations Reveal…

“If you sin, how does that affect Him?…If you are righteous, what do you give Him, or what does He receive from your hand? Your wickedness affects only a man like yourself, and your righteousness only the sons of men.”–Job 35:6-8.

It is only out of love that God cares about our actions. The world and His will operate fine without us.

I haven’t written in a long time mostly because I hadn’t read for a long time. Fortunately, I have beautiful people around me who remind me constantly why I want to be a strong woman of God for the duration of my life. So, after a month of reading regularly, I was granted a little insight that I would now like to share.

Even those who don’t read the Scriptures have a pretty decent idea of how God operates according to Christianity. He creates; He lays out rules; He presides and eventually He will judge. Those who believe may bristle at the over-simplification; those who don’t will not be shocked by this information.

I just learned something wonderful and beautiful about the character of God regarding this whole process. This revelation is something contrary to what our nature usually believes: Judgement is a favor granted to us. The judgement humanity fears is not the power-trip of a punishment-focused God.

No, really. I promise…Ok, just hear me out.

The book of Job is an interesting one. A man well-favored by God is so firm in his faith that God grants Satan permission to tempt him in order to try to sway his loyalty. Job never turns and curses God. Job, instead, admits that God is sovereign and that all is within his control, but he does so through 35 chapters of whining and defending his own righteousness. Finally, God answers Job directly. He basically tells the whiny believer to hush. God is sovereign and Job, though righteous in his own eyes, has no right to complain about anything God chooses to do or allow.

Here’s the thing: God didn’t have to answer Job. He’s God. He could have left it to Job to figure it out on his own. God could have chosen to leave Job moaning in darkness or to be miserable and die thinking God had forsaken him.

But He didn’t.

God chose to answer. Job spends his time begging for a face-to-face meeting with God; he pleads for some way to present his defense and prove to God how righteous he is and how unfair God’s treatment of him has been. Job, though, knows that meeting God face-to-face would be overwhelming and that he really doesn’t deserve to demand any such thing. (This brings up many, very awesome verses about Jesus which you can find on the “Inspirations” page).

In Job 34:21-30, it says that “His (God’s) eyes are on the ways of men; he sees their every step…God has no need to examine further, that they should come before Him in judgement. Without inquiry He shatters the mighty and sets up others in their place…He punishes them where everyone can see them because they turned from following Him and had no regard for any of His way.”

You see, God’s judgement of us, granting us a “trial” that we may be made aware of our transgressions is a FAVOR to us. God gains nothing from telling us exactly what we did right and wrong. He has no need for this process because He already knows what we have done. If you add that to the belief of His perfect righteousness and sovereignty then the only possible result is perfect judgement.

Think about it: It would be like  human judges being present 24 hours a day for the entire LIFE of the defendants who came before them. Would we question their judgement?

Who, then, are we to question God’s judgement?

Judgement is a gift. It may sound a little loony, but really consider the nature of God. If you believe that He is the creator, that He is omniscient, omnipresent and omnipotent; then, you must believe that He already knows our actions and motivations. Therefore, He has no need for a formal judgement. It is only for our benefit that we may know how to better serve Him, and ultimately that we may see that we are not righteous but He is. We are only made righteous by grace.

Formal judgement isn’t granted until the end of our lives for a reason. God opens many opportunities for us to realize our transgressions on our own and correct our steps. He corrects, convicts, intervenes, reveals and reaches for us daily. However, we, in our limited capacity, still have questions which seem unanswered. God then grants us two last showings of grace. He lays out each of our deeds, thoughts and words that we may know our standing. Since no one will measure up to the standard set, Jesus will then stand in and vouch for us. His word will get us in or exclude us from heaven.

So, really, we shouldn’t fear judgement only whether or not the Son of God knows us well enough to open the gate.

Leftists, Libertarians, and…God?

“Libertarians support maximum liberty in both personal and economic matters. They advocate a much smaller government; one that is limited to protecting individuals from coercion and violence. Libertarians tend to embrace individual responsibility, oppose government bureaucracy and taxes, promote private charity, tolerate diverse lifestyles, support the free market, and defend civil liberties.” http://www.theadvocates.org/quiz_result?e=80&i=80_80.gif&p=80 (at the bottom of the page is a summary of 6 political views as expressed by lp.org and advocates for limited government)

“We declare the platform of the Constitution Party to be predicated on the principles of  The Declaration of Independence, The Constitution of the United States and The Bill of Rights According to the original intent of the Founding Fathers, these founding documents are the foundation of our Liberty and the Supreme Law of the Land. The sole purpose of government, as stated in the Declaration of Independence, is to secure our unalienable rights given us by our Creator. When Government grows beyond this scope, it is usurpation, and liberty is compromised.” http://www.constitutionparty.com/party_platform.php

Warning: This post will be a departure from my typical foray into little life lessons of faith. Instead, I want to speak about politics and how they impact the daily lives of believers and non-believers alike.

I am not well-acquainted with the Libertarian political stance. In America, we are raised with 3 options when it comes to political views: Democratic (progressive), Republican (conservative), and abstaining from political involvement all together. For many, these options simply are not enough any longer. Though I am religious, and conservative, and traditional, I do not always agree with the legislation doled out by those claiming to be conservative Republicans. My desire for less social rule may seem contrary to my core beliefs as a Christian, but stem from a deep-rooted belief in the greatness of our country and its founding documents which do not favor the feds legislating how citizens conduct the most personal of matters.

In short, I am increasingly coming to favor those parties which tell the federal government to back off. The Libertarians and Constitutionalists are two emerging parties with views similar to mine in certain areas.

Here are some things you must know about me before we proceed. First, I am an avid, almost obsessive reader. I have been accused more than once in my life of being legalistic because of this. When I read something from a firm, fast document like the Constitution, Declaration or Bible–that is it. That’s what it says, that’s what it means, and it’s then my job to do my utmost to uphold the dictates discovered therein. (I fail remarkably well at the follow-through sometimes, but at least I can flip to a particular passage and say, ‘See this is what the standard is. This is where I went wrong.’)

Keeping all of that in mind I would like to present this radical view: Back off. All of you.

Simple, no?

Here’s what I mean; I have encountered many religious/political advocates who push legislation through based on their personal morality. While I am not opposed to voting or advocating religiously motivated laws, I see a double-standard. Many times those same people will complain about the laws which restrict them from donating to campaigns or prevent their children from learning about creationism or saying the pledge in school.

By contrast, Libertarians on the fringe who are all for people’s right to smoke what they want, where they want and live how they want will NOT apply those same standards to the church communities across the nation. Here’s the thing kids: If you, as an individual citizen or private organization, have the right to get high or marry a same-sex partner, then I, as an individual citizen, have the right to disagree publically. I even have the right to attempt to talk you out of your beliefs and (gasp) evangelize and share my own. According to the founding documents, the only thing I don’t have a right to do is mandate federally how you behave. That is reserved for your state legislative process.

You see, people who scream, “Separation of Church and State!” don’t often follow through on the logic. If we are separate then let us be separate. Don’t dictate where churches can be planted. Don’t interfere when a bunch of believers weird you out by dressing as prescribed in the Bible. (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Timothy%202:9,10;%201%20Peter%203:3, http://www.biblegateway.com/topical/Dress/Nave). I won’t force your child to pray before their meal at school as long as you don’t prevent my child from doing so.

Here is my proposed solution:

1.) Let’s all return to the Constitution. 
               -Daunting task I know. It means some people will actually have to READ the Constitution. But, it isn’t long. I promise. Heck, while they’re at it, they could throw in the Declaration and still have it done in a day!
2.) Let the states have their power back. 
               -If Vermont wants to allow gay marriage, adopt universal health care, employ illegals, and dance at every White House ball whatever.
               -BUT if Texas wants to allow every citizen to openly holster a Smith & Wesson, ban gay marriage, shuttle all illegals out of their state, and allow a prayer and the pledge to start every school day then let them.
3.) Raise awareness for the hypocrisy.
               -The next time you start to complain about your kid having to sit uncomfortably while another child prays remember that there is at least one child sitting uncomfortably because they cannot.

This is why federally legislating social matters does not work. For every one who avoids insult or injury there is one who is limited, insulted, and injured by the legislation. Leave it to the states; at least citizens are then given an option–Move.

If Cali’s increasing debt, lack of natural resources, and legislating themselves out of power isn’t working out for you, head east. Better yet, if you aren’t identifying with the
“extreme” ways of Texas, leave. I assure you that they won’t miss you.

I’ll make you a deal: Even though I disagree, I’ll stop complaining about your recreational, in-home drug use if you let me pray with other believers at my sons’ graduations.

I’m certain it seems my dreams…

From the outside, I know my life looks messy. It has to. From the inside, it looks, feels, and is messy, so I have no delusions about its outward appearance.

From the outside, I’m sure I seem like a failure. I have a lot of practice with failing. I fail at almost everything except academics–though I did fail my first class last semester.

From the outside, I probably even look stupid. Not in the low IQ, can’t-form-a-sentence-properly sort of way, more of the SHE-DID-WHAT…AGAIN?! sort of way.

Right now, I feel like the freed Israelites of the Old Testament. Here I stand, rescued from sin ,and yet, I continue to make monumental mistakes. Now granted, I haven’t recently cast any golden calves, but I have broken a few important rules. Repeatedly.

Still, through it all, I have been taking shape. Slowly, and certainly down a rougher road than I would recommend, I have been developing into a new creation.

One of the biggest changes I’ve been able to witness in myself is the subtle (sometimes startlingly un-subtle) transformation of my dreams. Through my pre-teen/teenage years I wanted only to be famous. Consumed with a feeling of insignificance, I wanted fame only so that my name would be remembered. I didn’t want to give money to charity or rise above circumstances. I wanted to be remembered.

As an adult, I discovered a passion…almost an obsession, for teaching. I’ve spent two years thus far in pursuit of a degree that I am immensely proud of. I sincerely hope to impart passion for reading in at least a few children (and drag the rest through the drudgery of basic grammar so they can actually write a decent sentence). I also hope to study literacy and develop a program to help adults who “slipped through the cracks.”–Undeniably a more selfless cause.

Still yet, I feel myself struggling with a new dream. I just want to be a mom. I want to get married, have lots of babies and raise them all. I want to teach them basic pre-k skills and put them in sporting activities and be at home, finishing a day of housekeeping and baking, when they arrive home from school.

Are my dreams getting bigger or smaller?

Certainly by the standards of society, I am settling into smaller and smaller rings of insignificance. I have an odd feeling, though, that my dreams are actually getting bigger. It’s entirely ambitious to think I have to wherewithall (or even option) to have my latest dream fulfilled. I’ve also shifted from aiming only to satisfy my urge to be remembered to a desire to positively (at least I hope) impact generations to come: starting with my offspring.

I wonder…

I’m certain it seems my dreams are getting smaller. But I wonder…

Ah Rebellion…I know you well

While reading the genius work that is Paradise Lost, I came across a line that I’m sure must be famous:

“Better to reign in hell than serve in heaven.”-These are Satan’s words shortly after the fall. [He briefly laments the loss of heaven but attempts to convince his loyal legion of followers that there is cause for celebration. The yet unformed earth is seen as the land of opportunity and Satan begins to bolster his new plans for ruling.]

The most striking thing about Satan’s sentence isn’t the fact that a prideful, rebellious fallen angel would say something so…misguided. No, what struck me was the realization that so many people today adapt this very attitude.

Oftentimes, people will justify years, even lifetimes, of irresponsible, possibly illegal activities with this mentality.
        “You only live once.”
        “I’d rather create my own heaven.”
These are the words of those who choose to live by their own rules, who would rather serve their own ends and gratify their own sense of pleasure than seek after the life and peace and reward of heaven.

These have been my words.

Oftentimes, I am overwhelmed by the seemingly unbridgable distance between who I am and who I aspire to be. My frustration almost inevitably leads to resentment. I resent having to try so hard just to continue to fail. I resent not being able to accomplish the “goal” of transformation, and the resentment leads to resignation. Just like Milton’s fallen Satan, I find myself resigned to the fact that I could never regain heaven.

So…I give in. I figure “I am really bad at being good, and pretty decent at being disobedient and rebellious, so why not stick to what I’m good at?” I throw in the towel and give in to every impulse and stupid idea that crosses my mind.

Now, my mind rarely wanders to the illegal or the strictly forbidden-by-society kinds of things that some people venture into, but I do frequent the I-can-do-it-all-by-myself territory that Satan seems to have such a good hold of in Paradise Lost.

Let me just reiterate a point I established a few posts ago: I hate it when I realize I am much more similar to the Pharisees and evil spirits than I am God. It’s rather unsettling. In reading Milton, I am again forced to realize how easily my nature aligns with Satan. Despicable really.

I cannot wait to continue reading. To reach the point where I think–”Geez Satan/Julie. You are an idiot.” And even more, I can’t wait to reach the point where realizing I’m an idiot actually leads to me not being an idiot! When I stop and think before I do ridiculously rebellious, stupid things just because I think I can manage every thing on my own and somehow better than God.

Yeah, that’s right. I think I can do better than God. Sound familiar? Maybe that isn’t you, but it certainly is the story of Satan’s fall. And the story of mine.

I am learning. I do want to be more. And I think that I’m learning how to get there: Choose heaven. Choose the rewards that God offers vs. the ability to reign my life on Earth. The antithesis of rebellion is apparently surrender.

Oh, the things that can be learned from great literature and a lifetime of seeking God.

Mona Lisa and nostalgia…

I am a greatly flawed human being, and I claim no expertise in the areas of anthropology or marriage. But I do know the standards established by society today disturb me. If it takes having affairs with whomever my heart leads me to in order to be considered a modern woman, then I don’t want to be. If corporate success, a six-figure income, or a 3,000 square foot house say more about my worth in America today, then maybe I want to be old-fashioned. And if wanting to be married and have children makes me somehow backward, then I suppose I am.

(A note here–I take this stance after having made an incredible number of mistakes. I believed that old-fashioned rules were binding and useless. I found out THE HARD WAY that deriving worth from anything but God and family leads to nothing but misery. )

While watching “Mona Lisa Smile” on cable this morning, I realized something interesting about society, women, standards and the inter-relationship between them all. I found it startling, and offensive that the female protagonist audiences are meant to identify with is the “enlightened,” “progressive” faculty member who has multiple sexual partners, no desire to marry, and believes that women who desire to get married more than they desire to study art or literature or law are embarrassingly backward.

What I realized, more than anything is that our culture has shifted–dramatically–in just a few generations.

Suddenly the idea of waiting to have sex until marriage, marrying only once, putting family and household first are all ideas that are not only out-dated but also offensive. When did this happen? I completely agree that women should be allowed to work and teach and learn in the same fashion as men. If that is what they want. However, I do not think there is anything shameful or regressive about wanting nothing more than to be a wife and mother.

I just sat stunned remembering the first time I realized what my place was in the world. The day I found out I was pregnant, the months I carried my son–I knew. My world shifted, my priorities rearranged, and I realized that I would never again strive for the fame I sought in my youth or the success of the corporate world. I knew that I would soon live the life that my parents before me had: working just enough to pay the bills so I could be home every night. 

I wish that some one would have taught me that there was honor in being someone’s bride. That dignity can come from maintaining a home. That taking pride in your “work” can be evidenced in healthy, nurtured children. 

I  also realize that the path one person chooses may not be the path for all. Being a housewife was the expectation they fought in “Mona Lisa Smile,” I fight against guilt because I want to be a housewife. The pendulum has swung, and I fear it has gone too far. My hope is that one day women will really be free to choose without the guilt and expectation that seems to come with every decision. If a woman decides to work then she should be free to work. If she and her family need the money or if she relishes in the success, then congratulations. However, the women who don’t choose to delve into that world should not be made to feel like outcast freaks either.

As the quote below will demonstrate, not every woman who chooses family first is lazy or incompetent or backward. Perhaps she just has different priorities and different hopes.

“Do you think I’ll wake up one morning and regret not being a lawyer?”
“Yes, I’m afraid you will”
“Not as much as I’ll regret not having a family. Not being there to raise them. I know exactly what I’m doing and it doesn’t make me any less smart.”

The many things I am not

Being a Christian forces a person to do the one thing that humans tend to avoid at almost any cost–self-examine.

When reading about the lives of believers in the Bible, I suddenly came to realize I wasn’t often like the people of God. No, more often, my actions resembled that of the non-believers. I am not often obedient. I take immense pride in my accomplishments, and I am rarely grateful. I am verbally abusive to those I don’t understand, and the illogical scares me to death. That’s right…I was kind of a Pharisee.

Unfortunately, I am not naturally a very nice, gracious, meek or kind human. I have much farther to travel on the road to refinement than some of those I am surrounded by. By nature, I am calloused, self-serving, pretentious, vain, and a whole slew of other, unflattering adjectives.

Fortunately, I have spent the majority of my life surrounded by people who look past all of those horrifying flaws in my character to see some sort of potential in me.

Most amazingly of all, God also sees past all the garbage. You see, not only does God anticipate my imperfections, He makes a promise to walk me through them. And, He promises to bring me out more refined (even if by fire) on the other side.

I was baptized this morning, and during the sermon that followed, I was once again transformed by a message from the words of Jesus as recorded in Matthew. “Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.” Did you catch it? The promise? The promise that He will make me into something I am not. Something better, more compassionate, more refined, more loving…Ultimately, more useful.

And that’s really the point. I never thought God would have much use for me. I was really sure I’d messed up too much and simply gotten too far from His plan…Well, that is partially true. I wasn’t much use in the shape I was in. My pride, my absolute conviction that I knew all, and my incessant complaining certainly hindered the process.

But the great news is that I can’t mess that up either. God doesn’t want me to stay as messy as I was, but He promises that He will help me.  More than that, He promises to make me into something new. Something useful to the kingdom of God!

I say, bring it on!

I’m ready. I’m willing, and I’m waiting.

I feel like I have been taking baby steps toward Him for years (and at times giant leaps backward) but now, I feel like I literally plunged into the deep end. And I guess I truly did.

I am not caring, giving, gracious, compassionate or merciful. But God is, and I want to be. He promised to make me a new creation, to remake me into His image. And that is what I want most of all, so…here we go.

Honor YOUR mother and father…

Relating to parents after the age of 16 can be tricky at times. Teenagers feel like they don’t need help or advice, and parents feel powerless as they watch their children make mistakes they believe could have been avoided.

 I’ve struggled most of my life with relating to the people who love me the most. Whether my strong-will, my complete lack of humility, or my hurt feelings, I have never given my parents the respect they deserve. Oftentimes, their attempts to guide me was met with stubborn indifference, or worse

More than any of these things, though, I believe my sense of entitlement was most detrimental to our relationship. Instead of accepting my parents as they were, (warts and all, as my drama teacher used to say) I kept holding out, waiting for them to become the parents I thought I deserved.

In my mind, these people who struggled and fought to raise me, owed me certain things before they earned my trust and respect. I’m still learning how ridiculously erred my thinking was, and can still be.

These days, I’m happy to say that I can see clearly the difference God has made in me. When conflict arises, I find myself attempting (though not always succeeding) to be the peacemaker. I often hear the commandment “Honor your mother and father” in my mind when I feel like being irate and storming around, and I know that kind of calm reason is a product of the Holy Spirit.

Now that I have a child of my own, my relationship with my parents has become even more complicated. Some lines are being re-drawn, some are being established for the first time. Regardless, I’ve come to realize a few things.

First, I realize that parents are still people. Mistakes are a part of life for both parents and children, and forgiveness is necessary. Second, I’ve learned that nothing is ever as easy as it looks—not even the things that come “naturally.” Love, parenting, friendship–they all require mass amounts of time, energy, and effort.

I’ve also come to realize “Honor your mother and father” is key for a few other reasons.

God said Honor YOUR mother and father. Not the father and mother you think you should have. Not the mother and father society thinks you should have, or the ones that you have always wanted—yours, the ones you currently have. They deserve respect just because they are your parents.

It’s also important to know that the Commandments were not rules about the easy things that came naturally. God was decreeing rules that went directly against the human nature of idolatry, adultery, and disrespect of every other kind. If it were easy, He wouldn’t have had it written down—twice!

I am far from perfect, and there is a long, difficult road ahead, but each day I am confident that God is drawing me nearer to Him. I just hope that I can learn to honor Him by honoring those around me.

To find out more about the Commandments and why they had to be written twice, check out the page titled “God has to repeat Himself” at the upper right hand part of the page.